A beginning.

I've started and erased this post a couple of times now and I'm hoping that I can get it out this time.

I've started this blog because I have yet to see one like it. I've seen weight loss blogs and food blogs, but not one dealing with food addiction, compulsive overeating, and recovery. Maybe it's because I just can't find it or because I'm not looking the right way. I'm also writing this blog to stay honest with myself and to take away some of the power this addiction has over me.

I have a problem with food. I've always had a problem with food and I've known about since I was twelve years old sitting in a school-sponsored presentation on eating disorders where the presenters briefly touched on compulsive eating. I remember being completely stunned and fighting back tears when I realized that there was a name for what was wrong with me. I was incredibly humiliated, but I asked for help at the end of the presentation [going up in front of my class to talk to the presenters was a big deal] but they had no resources for me--apparently compulsive overeating was, at that time, not as big a concern as bulimia or anorexia with regards to pre-teen girls.

I come from a family of addicts--my father is the picture of a food addict and I have, as much as I hate to say so, inherited much of his behavior and attitudes..though I retain ultimate responsibility for my choices. I am the only one who decides to put my food in my mouth.

Beyond that, I am female, currently unemployed [this is a huge factor in the amping up of my addiction and the decision to seek recovery], overweight [also a factor in choosing recovery], pagan and relate to my Higher Power(s) in different ways than others might, and I do attend meetings in my local community.

The positives lately have been that I have not been buying food when I am out, save for planned social outings with friends or planned grocery store trips. This is good for me, as one of my big ways of binging is to purchase food while I am out of the house that I do not need; food that is not a meal and that I am not necessarily hungry for.

The negative for today is that I have not been able to be sober today--I started off alright eating yogurt for breakfast but followed it with fried wontons and then over ate at a planned outing for lunch. I feel full and slightly sick and will try to maintain sane eating for the rest of the day.

I'm hopeful for this blog--for both me and for others.