Yesterday I wasn't abstinent, but I wasn't too out of hand...and today, so far, I've been abstinent. I'm pretty happy with that and hopeful that I can get through today.
Today, I've been struggling with some guilt about being abstinent thus far. I have only eaten exactly what I planned to [I plan out what I'm going to eat in terms of food and when I'm going to eat it] and haven't eaten in between my two meals so far. I've been drinking water [as opposed to juice or soda] and, when I was out today, I didn't buy any food. I'm not sure why I feel guilty.
I wonder if it's because, while I'm abstinent in act, my brain is still thinking about food and eating and eating a lot of food. I don't know if this means I am truly one hundred percent abstinent today but I'm pretty goddamn happy that I'm not putting anything in my mouth all of the time and that I am making good choices for me.
Something that just occurred to me--I treat my addiction like a cancer that I am trying to get rid of. Why shouldn't it want to cling to me as I try to peel it away? Why shouldn't it poke at the guilt button? I'm not feeding it, so it should be pissed off. Interesting.
Still a little nervous about the weekend and seeing my guy friend--I also don't have a lot of money right now and I get sensitive when other people are willing to pay for me to eat, as he has done for me before.
On the upside, I fit into jeans I haven't fit into well in awhile and I look good in them! I also bought a few new things since I didn't have a lot to wear that wasn't too big and I'm pretty pleased with how I look. :)
4 comments:
Greetings in abstinence today! I have a blog, myoarecovery.blogspot.com and I created a webring for those with OA blogs. I love reading/listening to peoples' shares, so if you are interested, go to the webring page here:
http://tinyurl.com/3yp49s
Take Care! CJ
I have yet to see an OA blogger who has a lot of time. I truly think it is because of the misconception — quite prevalent in OA (more than AA) — that it’s where you come to share, vent, blog, etc.
As an old time sponsor said to me once, “nobody ever learned anything but talking (insert blogging, sharing, etc.) — you only learn by listening.”
Go to meetings that study the Steps, the Big Book and the other literature and *listen* and learn. Think silently about what you hear and contemplate how what is shared might be applied to your life. This is how we get better.
– John K. (25 years in OA and AA)
Ahhh... Decent days of life are always remember able... and memorized for long lasting.
Hi...
Nice post interesting also i remembered my decent days when i read this post.
Thanks for sharing
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